I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
