I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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