OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
