you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
