Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
