I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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