On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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