I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
