Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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