So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
