the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
