I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
