The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
