he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
