Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
