I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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