Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
