So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
