i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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