i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
