Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
