I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
tell me about the eggs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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