i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
