No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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