Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
