why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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