i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
