I wish I only lived at night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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