I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
