sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
