I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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