So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
