I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
