Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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