I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
