He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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