I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
