Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
