dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
