I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
