Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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