some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
