So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
