i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
