Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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