Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
