She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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