just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
