Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
