hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
