I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
